Nutshell

You clear your throat
On the outer side of the universe,
And I jump up in my bed,
Suddenly afraid of the dark.

When we walked together,
In my perceived “hand-in-hand,”
Me as a child,
You as a god…

…What would a god have to do with a child?

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Everything Is Clear

Everything is clear.

All you tried to give me
I can now accept,
In this state,
In this altered reality.

It’s really not that bad,
To feel more than you thought you could feel,
To feel more than they say you should feel.

Everything is clear
When I can see your face un-obscured,
Untainted by the reality they bring to us as chains.

What I wanted you to give me
I now place before your feet.
I won’t ask
For what I’m not willing to receive.

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Unafraid Two

I am not afraid
To step through
Into the blazing light,
To leave a life of shadows
That taught me to fear day.

But this darkness I called home
Will not fade so easily.
It’ll try to clutch me as its prize,
And stay behind waiting
While I manage to flee.

And sometimes I’ll want to stay
And I’ll seek out the shadows once more,
My home that for so long,
Made up what was me.

But I will kiss its black mouth,
Smooth my hand down its sleek skin,
One last time,
And turn to join night’s sworn enemy.

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As Clouds Drift By

“I like the sun,” she said, “but sometimes it hurts my eyes.” She put a hand up to shield the top of her face as she kept looking at the sky.

I looked over at her small form. Her long, black hair spread out around her head forming a dark halo that contrasted with the grass. She was wearing a neon-green top with large, hot pink stars on it that matched the hot pink of her shorts. Her fingers and toes glittered with sparkly nail polish that mirrored the sparkly studs in her ears. I smiled. At this age, she still liked everything bright.

I followed her example and put my hand up to my face and looked up. Around the sun, the clouds were wispy streaks of white against a deep-blue sky.

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A Thank You

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I — like hopefully all of you — have a lot to be thankful for: There are people in my life who really love me and whom I love. My body is healthy. I have an income. I have no real unmet need of any kind. I have the possibility of tomorrow, and, unlike other times in my life, I’m actually excited about that possibility.

In addition to all these things, this year I am also thankful for this, this blog and what it represents.  When I started ToHearLife.com back in June, I had two main goals: to make writing an integral part of my life, and to get over my fear of other people reading what I write. These were for the purpose of the greater goal, which is to one day be a full-time writer. While I’m still millions of words and countless submissions away from that goal, I’m grateful that I have achieved the first two goals of making writing an essential part of my life and being, not only unafraid, but desirous of people reading what I write (cut to me checking my blog stats every night before bed).

But beyond helping me meet my current writing goals, this blog has also been helpful in ways I hadn’t foreseen. It’s pushed me forward, not only in my literary aspirations, but also in the mental, emotional, spiritual, and even social aspects of my life.

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A Sad Case

http://art-dali.com
 “Rock ‘n Roll” Salvador Dali, 1957 (http://art-dali.com

Stretch out my arms
To meet your gaze
Bring our distance close
To find our meeting end.

I reach for your face
As you reach for my throat
There’s no greater sound
Than my words left unsaid.

Our twisting bodies twist,
Together,
And away.
Find our meaning in the way
You never let me see your face.

Together,
Then away,
Through the “nowhere else to be”,
Familiarity beats out courage
In a wasted land of space.
We’re stuck in this same town,
Same music,
Drinking the same drink,
Filling the same cemeteries,
At the end of our days.

Do not let me go,
Or I will fall away.

I fall away
At your gaze,
At your voice,
At your skin touching mine.
I fall away at every word you’ve ever said.

Stretch out my arms to chain you by my side.
You wanted to leave — I let you —
But now you’re here for my name
You choke out in endless echoes.

Together,
Then away,
Through the “time has ceased to be”.
I return to our courage-less bars,
Our courage-less songs,
Our frequented cemeteries.
Bury me beneath your ground.

I fall away
At your name,
At your face,
At your eyes slicing mine.
I fall away at every word you’ve ever said.

Stretch out my arms
To morph your body into mine.
Forever I’ll choke on your fist down my throat.
Tell me you don’t love me, just one more time,
And I’ll fall away at every word you’ve never said.

Angel Wings

“I’m removing my wings,” she said to the angel beside her.

“Your wings!” he exclaimed turning to look at her. She was beautiful, like they all were, but her beauty was different. It was bold and untamed, contrasting with the faultless uniformity of everything around them.

“I don’t believe you,” he said shaking his head. “No one would ever leave this life.”

She looked around and knew he was right. Here, everything was beautiful. There were no petty wars that caused pain and death. Nothing new or unexpected arose to disrupt daily life. No need, instinct or ephemeral feeling drove angels together. Here, everything was ideal, in all places and for all time. No, no one else would ever leave.

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